Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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