Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
