dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
