I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
