Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
