What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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