Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
