why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
