you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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