i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
