But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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