my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
