I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Randomize
