I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
