Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
