My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
