You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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