i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
