God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
