Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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