Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
