i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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