Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
