Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
