i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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