a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we're so committed to being not committed
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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