so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
