Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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