I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
