mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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