Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
