I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Pants 0. Shit 1.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
