i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
