U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
