Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hippo gnu deer
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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