If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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