Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
