Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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