I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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