If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
