I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
