I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
