He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
