those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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