I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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