threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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