Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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