this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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