if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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