i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize