Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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