I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
