So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
