The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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