I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
a search helicopter?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
