Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
