I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
