you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
