idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
