I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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