I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
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Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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