New low: just hacked my moms facebook
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
