I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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