Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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