and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
