I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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