Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
