its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
