remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
