Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
