I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can I color on your dick again?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
