My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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