We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
