and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
