The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
someone owes me an orgasm
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
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His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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