y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I won the penis lottery.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
