your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
