i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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