Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
