You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your penis caused this!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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