The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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