I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
