im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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