fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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